The last three years

This day three years ago my parents dropped me off at Dublin airport with my giant suitcase full of my favourite clothes and a few books, I was going to try to move to London. I was to be staying in student digs for a month in Camden and if I got a job I got to stay. I remember sobbing that first night because everyone was so damn noisy. I was oddly homesick at first for someone who’d wanted to live in London since she was 15.

I spent 5 weeks in Camden and then moved onto my friend’s couch for a month. I managed to find and lose an office job in that time. Also during that time Jason Orange announced he was leaving Take That. The lowest point I ever had in London was around that period. I had to stay in a hotel for a night and I was wandering around in the dark, completely lost, broke and unemployed and so desperately sad. I sat down in a bus stop and absolutely wept, the whole body shaking and it feels like it will never stop type weeping. I eventually got up and found my hotel and slept away some of the sorrow.

Not long after I had to leave my friend’s couch and I ended up in a house share with 8 other people and with a job just down the road. The house was awful and so was the job. The house had constantly changing housemates so I’d often open the door to my room and find myself faced with some new people who said they lived there.

The worst was a guy who had no job, was constantly smoking and drinking in his room and would stare a lot. One time I opened my door and he was just standing at the bottom of the stairs staring up at me. We all complained to the landlord and he eventually came round and said the guy was late on the rent and if he didn’t pay it he was kicking him out. The crazy guy ended up ringing the police who came around, got very annoyed at everyone and left. Eventually crazy guy went for a walk and we all helped the landlord pile his stuff outside the house. Later on he kept knocking and we found a knife on the doorstep and a few of us saw him wandering around the Tube station.

Safe to say, I started to look for another place to live. The next place was a house with seven housemates and they all seemed nice enough. Until the couple next door moved in with their dog. I’m terrified of dogs and this dog was huge and constantly in the house and I’d have to shout down from my room every time I wanted to pee. It was degrading and I felt ousted by that dog.

These housemates liked to party too, until 7am with a full on sound system. Oh and coke. One morning one housemate asked another, whilst pointing at white powder on the kitchen counter ‘Is that baking powder or coke?’ The housemate licked it and declared it baking powder.

I ended up staying in a hotel for 2 days and just sleeping and yet again found myself looking for somewhere else to live. Just before a Take That tour was due to start. I went to opening night in Glasgow, came home, packed up all my stuff and moved down the road.

House number 3 seemed ok at first. I wasn’t there a lot during the first few weeks because of the tour. I was living with 2 guys, a 50 year old Aussie who was the landlord and a 30 year gay teacher from up north (one of the very few decent housemates I’ve had in London). Everything was going ok until another guy moved in.

Back when I gave up my 6 day working week (which I was doing to fund the tour) and realised I had every Friday and Saturday along with Sunday night off, I started to invite people over to visit. Caroline and Olly were presenting X Factor at the time and every weekend I was watching them or hosting my friends.

My landlord said my friends could stay in the spare room when they came to visit until this guy moved into the spare room and my friends suddenly had to stay in the living room. Which wasn’t an issue until my friends turned up late from their flight one day and wanted a nap. The guy was in the living room and I asked he’d mind going somewhere else as my friends needed to sleep. He flat out refused, an argument issued and the guy threatened to hit my friend.

My friends went to stay in a hotel, I never spoke to the guy again and my landlord had a go at me for not approaching the situation well. On the day it came out that Olly had been snogging randoms at the XF wrap party, just a few days before I went home for Christmas, my landlord texted and asked me to leave. He phrased it like he was doing me a favour, that I needed to live with younger people and could I move asap. That was another day spent weeping in bed.

After I came back home after Christmas, I went to view a few places, quite fed up at this point after 18 months in London that I was moving for the 6^th time. I got a message on Spareroom.com, two architects needing someone to fill their third bedroom, it was twenty minutes away. There was no drugs (well besides weed), no dogs, no mice(which house number 3 was infested with, another nightmare along with shouty threatening man), no parties, no crazy men. Just two nice people in their twenties in a nice flat.

I’m still here now, a year and a half later and my god unless I win the Lotto I don’t want to move anytime soon.

The second job I had, which came with house 1 was in a snooker hall. I did it for a year and a half and looking back I don’t know how. I know the reasons, they let me go on tour and I had every weekend off for X Factor. And during X Factor 2015, Carolly were my whole life. I started because it was convenient until I could take it no more. I was doing 11 hour shifts, with no official break, cooking, cleaning and bar tending for £5.75 an hour. The people were homophobic, racist and sexist. One refused to accept bisexual was real and declared me was ‘lezza-straight’.

I could write a few thousand words on the awful things I heard in my time there. There were a couple lovely people, including a woman who was like my surrogate mum, but for the most part, awful. The customers were rude, I was cooking meat, I was up until 4am every day. I was just angry the whole time and I am not an angry person for the most part.

In March 2016, I reached the end of my tether. I asked if I could go home for my mum’s birthday and was told no and the same night I had the rudest customers alive. I basically shouted ‘I’ve had enough!’ and started hunting for a job properly the next day.

5 weeks later and I was out of there, waving goodbye and being so glad to be gone. I went off to Topshop, ‘the big one’ and I’ve remained ever since. It’s not my dream job, I doubt being paid minimum wage to deal with customers on a tourist heavy street is anyone’s, but it’s good. The people, for the most part, are great, they’re diverse and accepting and kind. And it can be really fun. Today I saw Gabby and Marcel from Love Island, screamed when they played Take That and watched customers dance around to the DJ.

Writing all this up it reads like a lot of bad stuff has happened since I moved here. But nothing, oh nothing, no matter how bad will erase all the good. And I have had the best times since I moved to London. Being in this city gives you the ability to do so many things. To run down to the BBC during your lunch to meet Gary Barlow, to go to last minute gigs and book signings, to serve Caroline Flack on the till at work and for her to go ‘Oh it’s you! I haven’t seen you in ages!’, to wander down Southbank and marvel at the prettiness, to walk around at Christmas and beam at the pretty lights.

When I was younger and said I wanted to move to London no one but my mum would listen. They said I’d realise I loved the country I lived in and see the grass wasn’t greener, they said London wasn’t as good as I thought. But oh no, it’s better. Since I have moved here I have:

Been to 32 Take That concerts, along with seeing them live at The Royal Albert Hall and at Jonathan Ross. I also got to see An Evening with Take That live and a 3 minute song outside the BBC. I’ve met them all, I’ve met Gary twice and I love them more than ever.

Met Caroline Flack so many times that she now knows who I am. I don’t think she ever remembers my name but she greets me warmly, with a big hug and an ‘Oh hey!’ She is the loveliest person ever every single time and always chats to you like you’re her mate. I haven’t seen her in ages actually, could do with a new selfie.

Met Olly Murs so many times I’ve long since lost count, not that I care much about Olly alone, he was just always kinda there.

Met: Chris O’Dowd, Dermot O’Leary, Preston (at an Ordinary Boys gig where I went alone and eventually had one the band escort me in to the venue because he didn’t want me to feel lonely, 16 year old me died) and a whole bunch of people at work including Matt Edmonson, Sara Cox, Melody from PCD, Sophia Smith (Liam Payne’s ex), Stephanie Pratt and Amelia Lily.

Been to a lot of tv show recordings-I saw Take That at Jonathan Ross and Let It Shine, One Direction(and Ian Mckellen!) at Graham Norton, Daniel Radcliffe at The Last Leg, Caroline at Loose Women and a recording of Strictly where she did the quickstep(I also told Claudia Winkleman she was hilarious and she turned around and went ‘Oh thank you!’). I went to A Night With Olly Murs and cried so hard at having seen Caroline and Olly in real life together for the first time, that people asked Olly’s musicians if he could hug me, because I looked so upset, nope just emotional.

I practically lived at X Factor in 2015, I saw a lot of audition shows, some of Six Chair challenge, two live shows and both nights of the final. I saw Little Mix, One Direction, Coldplay, Leona Lewis and Adele all sing for free. I also saw Caroline and Olly kiss and cried so much at that that yet again people around us were very concerned.

Seen a lot of musicals and plays and such like, (the joys of being able to leave work at 7 and see a show that evening), the most exciting being Harry Potter and The Cursed Child. Also watched Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone with a full orchestra at The Royal Albert Hall which was magical, and saw the midnight screening of Fantastic Beasts which made my heart swell with fandom love. Yes I moved to London to July 31^st for a reason.

Take That aside, I’ve been to the concerts of Olly (4 times, I think?), Birdy, Busted, George Shelley and someone I’ve probably forgotten.

I’ve spent countless evenings in the Natural History Museum, many many more in my favourite place in the whole of London, Waterstones Piccadilly. I have my favourite walks and places and things to do. And most of all, best of all, I have my friends.

I met one of my closest friends, L.J, on Platform 9 ¾ on September 1^st, no word of a lie, last year we told the guys at Pottermore about it and ended up on their Instagram and Twitter. Another bunch of people came to me that day via the London Nerdfighters. One of the girls added me to the group who did meet ups all the time and when I finally had my Friday’s back to myself, I went and befriended a wonderful bunch of nerds. They made London life better, especially the wonderful Jess, Julia and Zahra.

Going on two proper Take That tours (12 and 18 times respectively) has increased my Thatter friend rankings a hell of a lot and my god does it make tours more fun. Thatters are what make my tour now and I’m so grateful for that. I got Mark’s water bottle! Gary Barlow read my blog! Hyde Park was the best night ever! Nothing will ever beat being at barrier with your mates!

I got to go meet my friend Cate in Paris which involved a nine hour bus journey and just twelve hours there but boy was that an experience, a surreal and glorious experience.

My work friends, my wonderful work friends. My workplace has a very fast turnover but I have met people at work who I cherish dearly and am so the better for meeting.

Before I moved here, I had a handful of Irish friends and a whole bunch of internet friends, whom I still adore of course even if I don’t see them as much (and when I do it’s awesome). But for the first while in London I was quite lonely, as much as I didn’t want to be I was.

It’s funny really, I never thought I’d be able to live without Sky+ or a telly or a microwave or the sea. And most of all I miss my tumble dryer and now I can’t live without Uber or Netflix or Amazon Prime, or my travelcard or the Tube. Really mostly what I can’t live without is people and this city and my concerts and my books.

The last year, living in the same house, having the same job, having my magnificent friends, I have felt finally settled. My friends have been there for many a day strolling around markets and parks and shops. For card games in pubs and far too many farewell parties. For concerts and telly shows and the many London pop-ups. When I was 14 and being bullied, all alone and confused, I had no friends. I think a part of me still can’t believe people like me for me, a part of me is still always baffled that I’m surrounded by people who love me and want to spend time with me. I can barely fathom it sometimes.

Living in London has enabled me to be fully me. To come out as bisexual and be comfortable with it, to run around to concerts on a whim, to be a huge nerd, to read copious books (and to write two), to be unapologetically in love with this city and this country. I know I’ve grown in confidence since I’ve moved here, without a doubt. I’ve come a long way from struggling to leave my Camden room because of my anxiety three years ago.

So thank you to my friends, to Take That, to Caroline Flack, to my house and my work and to London for letting me be me and giving me so much to love and to do and to wonder about. I can’t wait for more adventures in this bloody brilliant place I call home. 

Love Island

Everyone loves relationships. It’s just a fact. Magazines and newspapers and websites are filled with articles on who’s with who, who’s dumped who, who just married who. We watch couples get together on television, we fawn over friendships in bands and use the word ‘goals’ a lot in people’s Instagram comments.

Love Island is an extension of that, a seven week, sun-drenched extension. It’s a bunch of hot, extremely toned (no but seriously not one of those boys didn’t have a six pack, most of them had an eight pack) singletons encouraged to couple up and perhaps win a prize at the end.

It’s bikinis and tans and a whole new lexicon. Love Island is relatable, it might be very attractive people dealing with life’s problems in a villa but they’re the same kind of problems we have. ‘Does he like me?’ ‘Where is this relationship going?’ ‘How can I break up with them without it being awful?’

And it’s not just relationships. We watched Camilla deal with the inane Jonny when he didn’t understand feminism and we cheered her on. We wanted to cuddle her when she felt insecure and unsure of herself later on in the series, a feeling most girls know all too well. Camilla went from a shy private person to someone admitting she really liked someone and showing it within seven weeks, and it was wonderful to see.

We got to watch friendships, the girls having each other’s backs, and always running for a catch up after a date or a night in the hideaway. Everyone would squeal and hug and probe the girl in question, whilst the boys exchanged a few words and went on about their day.

Though arguably and favourably the most popular relationship in the villa this whole series was a friendship between two of the lads, the epic bromance of Chris and Kem. Without a doubt if they had coupled up together they’d have walked away the winners no contest. Chris and Kem had an uncomplicated love, they were best friends through and through. They talked, they hugged, they shaved each other’s initials in each other’s pubes, you know, as you do.

Chris entered the villa a cocky twat who said everyone fancied him. He ended the series crying over a plastic baby, being bezzies with Stormzy and being the nation’s sweetheart. When the parents came to visit, Kem’s mum said he could of course come to dinner and Camilla’s mum exclaimed ‘I love cows too!’ at the farm boy. Like Camilla, Chris has come a long way.

Along with watching relationships and friendships twist and turn, flipping in 24 hours as fast as Chris’ raps sometimes, we had the silliness and fun of the show. The challenges, the hilarity of the boys shoving hot dogs in the girl’s bikinis or the rather more brutal Twitter challenge. The games added amusement to the show but a lot of the time they added drama too. And geez do we live for drama.

From Georgia picking Amber’s boyfriend to couple up with(the most shocking moment of the series), or Jonny(an utter bellend) calling Theo an utter bellend, to Gabby being snakey about Montana then Montana being a bit snakey in return. Not least forgetting the entire Casa Amor twist.

Essentially, the series had everything to keep an audience hooked. It had attractive, interesting people, it had friendships, relationships, stupidity, drama, hilarity and above all, humanity. It was a show that brought something new every day and had you chatting to your mates at work about the episode the night before. It had us discussing who our type 100% on paper was, and calling people salty and melts, chatting about grafting and sticking it on, and pieing people off.

People love watching people, people love discussing people and I reckon we should all occasionally shout ‘I got a text!’ across the workplace to remember the great show that was Love Island 2017.

Side notes:

·         Olivia’s dive in the pool. I may not like Olivia but damn that was funny

·         Caroline Flack’s strut every time she walked into the villa. And her ace work on Aftersun, especially her grilling of Jonny, go Caz, go Caz, go Caz.

·         ‘I used to be in Blazin’ Squad’. Oh Marcel

·         Jamie’s avocado on toast

·         I did really like both Gabby and Montana and I think silly mistakes made people turn on them near the end.

·         Muggy Mike. No longer a word to describe the oppressive heat.

·         Ugh Tyla

·         No but seriously what do we do with our lives now? 

Tour life

Queuing. Numbers on hands. Wristbands. Dealing with queue jumpers and barrier pushers. Having no time or money or energy. Having to try to get as much holiday as possible at work. Having everyone at work think you’re crazy. Having everyone think you’re crazy. Ticket co-ordination. Car runs. Back seats full of duvets and camping chairs. Lots of trains and even more Ubers. Forgetting what day it is. Waking up and not remembering which city you’re in. Seeing nothing of the city you’ve come to see them in. Finding a random supermarket and getting your queue food. Never looking at your bank account. Tickertape everywhere, in your pockets, on your floor, in your bra. Everywhere. Never ending selfies. Tour outfits and glitter and butterflies and flowers. ‘Do you not get bored?’ ‘Is it not the same show?’ ‘Do you work for them?’ ‘Do Take That know you?’ ‘How can you afford that?’

Getting takeaway to the queue. Having a drink in the queue. Sleeping in the queue. Spending pretty much your whole life in the queue. Arts and crafts in the queue. Trying to think of a good banner or dozen. Having everyone know the lingo when you usually spend a lot of time explaining. Meeting new friends in the queue, seeing old friends in the queue. Rain, wind, sunshine, all in the one day. Walking from the unofficial queue to the official queue in a sea of chairs and duvets and inflatables whilst the general public stares bemused. The queue looking like an abandoned village once you’ve left it. Planning your barrier strategy. Barrier runs. ‘No running’ ‘I’m walking fast!’ The joy of getting barrier. Barrier selfies. ‘SIT DOWN, SIT DOWN’. Starfishing. Not being afraid to use your elbows to get cheeky people away from your spot.

Learning to love the support act. Learning all their dance moves without even meaning to. Pascal. That moment when the arena goes black and everyone screams and your heart jumps. And then the boys come on stage and your heart fills with joy. Dancing like a loon. Trying not to take too many pictures but taking too many anyway. The band intro. The tickertape. The fire. The jump. ‘Do you feel like giants?’ Thrusting your hand forward with your index fingers sticking out cos that’s pretty much every single Take That dance move. The cast. The band and Kev and James and Paul. Doing the Relight arms over the barrier. Howard hanging in the air. Learning to love the medley and How Deep is Your Love. The stairs. Podiums. The very flamboyant outfits. Gary’s hair. Mark’s tassles and high shoes and hats. Howard’s booty shaking.

The joy whenever the boys have a cute moment with one another. The disbelief and exhilaration when they interact with you. And then turning to your mates around you and screaming about it and everyone being chuffed for you. You being chuffed for other people’s interaction. The Superstar rockstar moment. The gorgeousness of Hope but also dancer’s bums. Seeing not one bit of Shine. The New Day intro. The Back for Good arms. The hunger games battle for Mark’s water bottle.  ‘We usually save our thank yous to the end’ No you don’t, you liars. The Pray dance, which NEVER gets old. The moment they all share the mic. Loving hearing the audience gasp at the production. Knowing when things don’t work. The beauty of It’s All For You. Gary’s bed. The epicness of The Flood. Going crazy to Cry and then not being able to breathe. ‘Everybody get down low’ Saying you don’t really care about a handshake but then when they walk by you suddenly want a handshake. Dancing to These Days on the barrier. The Never Forget claps. Looking around in awe at the synchronicity of it all. Even more tickertape. The arena filling with lights for Rule the World.

The boys saying bye and then you standing there dazed at the whole thing and how the last two hours lasted two minutes. And then getting about 3 hours kip before you do it all over again. 

And all of it, all of it being about being with your mates. And the boys being there. Singing and dancing and sharing moments together. Making memories. The sheer joy you feel when you’re on the barrier and everyone around you is singing and you grin at your mates and you know that this is home. The tour bubble has its own magic. Where nothing else matters but tour. Because it’s special. It’s doing what you love with the people you love for a few weeks and having the best time ever. Not caring that you’re sick and broken and poor and tired. Because nothing else matters. Nothing but those hours of absolute happiness. Nothing but tour life. 

Living my best life

Yesterday was nine years since I finished school. Nine years ago I was an insecure 17 year old who loved Take That and London and books. Yesterday I got a train back from Manchester to my house in London after seeing Take That four times in the space of a week. I went and saw the Ordinary Boys (I was obsessed with Preston and his then wife when I was 17) with a friend in the evening.

When I left school I had no idea what I wanted to do. I knew London was the goal eventually. Somehow I ended up studying nursing for a while, that didn’t go too well. I don’t regret it but it was a bad decision. A couple of years later I ended up studying English and Linguistics. I didn’t particularly enjoy studying it but it was a far better choice than nursing.

And now I live in London, I work on Oxford Street and I have an amazing bunch of friends. On top of that I still very much love Take That (and books of course) and currently I’m travelling around the UK seeing them over and over again. It’s completely exhausting but it’s amazing. Mark Owen sang right at me on Friday and I melted. There’s still a part of me that is forever my 17 year old self not being able to believe any of this is real.

People may think I’m crazy or I have better ways to spend my time or money. But truthfully I don’t. I don’t know what people expect me to do with my time and money but I was always under the illusion that being happy was of great importance.

I may not have a powerful job or an other half but that to me isn’t what matters right now. What matters is I’m happy. I’m living my best life. 17 year old me would be astounded at my life now. Living in my dream city, working in a place I used to frequent when I visited London, having a group of friends whom I adore and who accept me as me, following my favourite band around the country.

I am never happier than when I’m on that barrier, I have my friends around me and Take That are right there, belting out the songs I love. I may be broke and exhausted but I’m happy. I’m living a life that 17 year old me would be proud of, and surely that’s the most important thing? 

A love letter to London

This hasn’t always been my city but it will always be my city. I first visited when I was 8, visited many times after and moved here in 2014 (July 31^st cos I’m that much of a Harry Potter nerd). London is my home, where my heart sings with belonging.

London is a world city, we have everyone here, all the countries and people. It’s where the misfits come to gather. I feel like I belong here because you don’t need anything to feel like you belong except to love this city.

Well for the most part at least. We have our little Londoner rules, stand on the right, don’t make eye contact on public transport, don’t walk slow, drink lots of tea, always queue. We will get outraged if you push in whilst someone else is leaving the train, or if you queue jump. Most of the time we’ll just tut and go ‘really’ and not say anything.

Yesterday a terrible thing happened and all our hearts broke for our city, for the people who died and were injured, for their loved ones.

We do not have small hearts, people rushed to the aid of those injured, the brave service people of this city. We all worried about the situation online. I had plenty of friends checking I was ok and sending love and prayers to those in need.

As with 7/7 and the riots we do not let hatred bring us down, we tell it to do one and get on with life. We clean up and grieve and we don’t turn on each other, because it’s what they would want.

I love this city for many reasons. I love that the most outlandish things can happen and no one will bat an eyelid, that it gives you the freedom to do outlandish things. I love the fast pace and the ability to get anywhere in London so easily (well maybe not in the South). The best way to discover this city is to walk around it, you’ll find gems and you’ll find a sense of belonging.

My favourite place in the whole of London is a six storey bookshop, another person’s might be a tiny park or a bustling pub or a street filled with antique shops. There is something for everyone here. We have concerts and musicals and plays, sports venues and art galleries and pop up cafes. You can never be bored, there will always be something you haven’t seen, there will always be something new and something extremely old.

London just has that feeling, that vibe, the one that sweeps you off your feet and makes you fall in love with it. Then plonks you back down on the busy footpath full of smoggy air. It’s alright, we have plenty of parks.

We are resilient, we are worldly, we will always stand together and no matter what happens you can guarantee we’ll still end up drinking tea and moaning about the weather. We are Londoners.

“There's nowhere else like London. Nothing at all, anywhere”- Vivienne Westwood 

The day I met Jason Orange

Today is five years, a whole half decade since I met Jason Orange on a bench. Yesterday at work one of my customers was actually called Jay Orange which freaked me out a bit (his name wasn’t Jason, I did clarify).

I meant to go visit the bench today actually but I live so far from Kensington (I live East, Kensington is about an hour away which is a long trip to sit somewhere). Hey me of five years ago, you live in London now and you’ve met the rest of Take That. I don’t think you need to know what else happens to them though.

It was March 2^nd, 2012. About half 12 in the afternoon. Me and the bestie were wandering around Kensington trying to find somewhere to grab lunch, we’d only flown in that morning and were famished. We sat down in one place but no one paid us any attention and we decided to just grab Pret from the station instead.

As we were walking back, Amy started looking at the guy sitting on a bench and asking if it was Jason which to I went ‘Hah it’d be funny if it was because he’s sitting on a bench’. Then I looked properly, realised it was him and screamed. I ran/Amy dragged me behind a bit of wall so I could calm down. My legs were shaking like mad. After a few minutes I decided I was ready to go speak to him but Amy didn’t so Jason had to witness me walking up to him/Amy still trying to pull me back for some more calming down.

I stood in front of him and blurted ‘Jason I like love you so much’ and when he only replied ‘Right’ and I thought ‘Oh god it’s not actually him’, blurted ‘I’ve seen Take That live 14 times!’ And all smiley he went ‘Have you? Come sit down here’ which I did. I touched his leg (soz Jase) and went ‘You’re my favourite you know’ and he went ‘Am I?’ smiling even more. Oh god I was melting. Amy took some pictures and we started chatting.

We were chatting and I was just like 'I can’t believe I’m chatting to you’ and I didn’t want to be annoying him. He said I had a good eye and that people didn’t always recognize him with the sunglasses and the beard and I said 'Oh you’ve shaved, not shaved shaved but you’ve not got as big a beard’. I could not stop rambling.

At one point I went ‘I don’t want to be annoying you’ and he went ‘Nah you’re cool’ to which I shouted in his face ‘Oh my god Jason Orange just called me cool!’ to which he just burst out laughing. Sorry again Jay but years of low self-esteem don’t lead you to believe one of Take That will ever call you cool even if you didn’t mean it in that context.

I decided to quiz him on the next Take That album and asked when they going back in the studios to the words of ‘Gary’s off working and you’re here sitting on benches’. His reply to this, a couple of years later, made me realise why he left. ‘Gary like’s working though doesn’t he? I like sitting on benches.’ We agreed Gary worked too much and started talking about the tours.

He asked why we were in London ‘Oh you just over from Ireland for the weekend then?’ and we were like 'Yeah’. He asked what we were doing and I said nothing really and that I’d met him now and I could go home happy. I said we didn’t have much money to do anything and he was like 'Oh that’s my fault with all the concerts’ and I was like 'Yeah but I’d pay thousands for tickets’ and he was like 'Really?’ Yes Jason, yes, also me of five years ago, you’re pretty much doing that now. It’s so much fun.

I asked him if he knew the elephant’s name was Nellie and he said ‘Yeah, Nellie and Om’. I told him The Circus Tour was my favourite. He said most people said that and he was saying how he thought that they peaked at The Circus and that perhaps they were trying too hard with Progress, he didn’t know and I was sitting there going 'No no Progress was brilliant’ even though I completely agreed with him.

I eventually decided to leave and said we’d best go as I didn’t want to be annoying him too much and he was like 'It was lovely meeting you girls, enjoy your non-shopping shopping weekend cos I took all your money’. Then he put his hand out which I took and he pulled me into him for a hug and he kissed me on the cheek. I remember feeling the stubble on my cheek, my vision going black and all I could think was ‘Don’t scream, don’t scream’. And then we said bye and left. Amy told me she was saying thanks so much for talking to me and he had made my life and he said 'You’re more than welcome’.

So afterwards I went and called my mum, ran around Kensington Gardens going ‘Oh my god, oh my god’ and crying and not shutting up about it for weeks (ok months, ok years) on end. Even writing this up now has made me cry. I forgot how much I miss Jason, I know he’s happy which makes it ok and I adore the three boys. But yeah, he made those five minutes on a bench some of the best of my whole life. Thanks Jason, the whole thing is still as clear as day and you really did make my life.

Book review: Giovanna Fletcher, Happy Mum Happy Baby

I don’t have a kid(wouldn’t that be a big surprise if I did), I won’t be having anytime soon(though I want them, tons of them) but I bought this book purely cos I bloody love the Fletchers.

My mate Nicky is a huge McFly fan and I got into Tom and then Gi that way and more so after that wedding speech. I watched all their vlogs and whilst they both did Vlogmas last year I especially appreciated them. I detest winter and have SAD, and knowing I had some cute Fletcher fun to watch daily helped me be a little less morose. The pair of them never fail to make me laugh.

What I love about the Fletchers is that they’re so normal but just the absolute loveliest couple with the cutest family. They’re as the cool people say ‘couple/family goals’. I basically want to be Gi when I’m older, a successful author with a wonderful other half and a gorgeous family.

The thing I think I value most about Gi though is just how nice she is. In my life, I don’t care if people think I’m weird or annoying as long as they think I’m nice. Kindness goes a long way and it’s so encouraging to see it promoted by Gi and her brood so much.

Happy Mum, Happy Baby is an account of Giovanna’s adventures of motherhood. With the basic premise that there is no right or wrong way to parent but to do what’s right for you and your child. It’s an extremely honest account and is very TMI but I think that’s what makes it such an enjoyable read.

By putting every detail in the book and holding nothing back, you really feel like you’re getting to know Gi and what it has been truly like for her having children. I gobbled it up in a day because it’s just so easy to read, plus it’s chock full of the cutest pictures of Buzz and Buddy and the Fletcher fam.

I’d recommend this for anybody who has kids, anybody wanting them or just anyone who loves watching the Fletchers on YouTube and the other various social medias as much as I do. Happy Mum, Happy Mum is as lovely and as real a read as Giovanna is herself.

Rating: Five stars