This day three years ago my parents dropped
me off at Dublin airport with my giant suitcase full of my favourite clothes
and a few books, I was going to try to move to London. I was to be staying in
student digs for a month in Camden and if I got a job I got to stay. I remember
sobbing that first night because everyone was so damn noisy. I was oddly
homesick at first for someone who’d wanted to live in London since she was 15.
I spent 5 weeks in Camden and then moved onto
my friend’s couch for a month. I managed to find and lose an office job in that
time. Also during that time Jason Orange announced he was leaving Take That.
The lowest point I ever had in London was around that period. I had to stay in
a hotel for a night and I was wandering around in the dark, completely lost,
broke and unemployed and so desperately sad. I sat down in a bus stop and
absolutely wept, the whole body shaking and it feels like it will never stop
type weeping. I eventually got up and found my hotel and slept away some of the
sorrow.
Not long after I had to leave my friend’s
couch and I ended up in a house share with 8 other people and with a job just
down the road. The house was awful and so was the job. The house had constantly
changing housemates so I’d often open the door to my room and find myself faced
with some new people who said they lived there.
The worst was a guy who had no job, was
constantly smoking and drinking in his room and would stare a lot. One time I
opened my door and he was just standing at the bottom of the stairs staring up
at me. We all complained to the landlord and he eventually came round and said
the guy was late on the rent and if he didn’t pay it he was kicking him out.
The crazy guy ended up ringing the police who came around, got very annoyed at
everyone and left. Eventually crazy guy went for a walk and we all helped the
landlord pile his stuff outside the house. Later on he kept knocking and we
found a knife on the doorstep and a few of us saw him wandering around the Tube
station.
Safe to say, I started to look for another
place to live. The next place was a house with seven housemates and they all
seemed nice enough. Until the couple next door moved in with their dog. I’m
terrified of dogs and this dog was huge and constantly in the house and I’d
have to shout down from my room every time I wanted to pee. It was degrading
and I felt ousted by that dog.
These housemates liked to party too, until
7am with a full on sound system. Oh and coke. One morning one housemate asked
another, whilst pointing at white powder on the kitchen counter ‘Is that baking
powder or coke?’ The housemate licked it and declared it baking powder.
I ended up staying in a hotel for 2 days
and just sleeping and yet again found myself looking for somewhere else to
live. Just before a Take That tour was due to start. I went to opening night in
Glasgow, came home, packed up all my stuff and moved down the road.
House number 3 seemed ok at first. I wasn’t
there a lot during the first few weeks because of the tour. I was living with 2
guys, a 50 year old Aussie who was the landlord and a 30 year gay teacher from
up north (one of the very few decent housemates I’ve had in London). Everything
was going ok until another guy moved in.
Back when I gave up my 6 day working week (which
I was doing to fund the tour) and realised I had every Friday and Saturday
along with Sunday night off, I started to invite people over to visit. Caroline
and Olly were presenting X Factor at the time and every weekend I was watching
them or hosting my friends.
My landlord said my friends could stay in
the spare room when they came to visit until this guy moved into the spare room
and my friends suddenly had to stay in the living room. Which wasn’t an issue
until my friends turned up late from their flight one day and wanted a nap. The
guy was in the living room and I asked he’d mind going somewhere else as my
friends needed to sleep. He flat out refused, an argument issued and the guy
threatened to hit my friend.
My friends went to stay in a hotel, I never
spoke to the guy again and my landlord had a go at me for not approaching the
situation well. On the day it came out that Olly had been snogging randoms at
the XF wrap party, just a few days before I went home for Christmas, my
landlord texted and asked me to leave. He phrased it like he was doing me a
favour, that I needed to live with younger people and could I move asap. That
was another day spent weeping in bed.
After I came back home after Christmas, I
went to view a few places, quite fed up at this point after 18 months in London
that I was moving for the 6th time. I got a message on Spareroom.com,
two architects needing someone to fill their third bedroom, it was twenty
minutes away. There was no drugs (well besides weed), no dogs, no mice(which
house number 3 was infested with, another nightmare along with shouty
threatening man), no parties, no crazy men. Just two nice people in their
twenties in a nice flat.
I’m still here now, a year and a half later
and my god unless I win the Lotto I don’t want to move anytime soon.
The second job I had, which came with house
1 was in a snooker hall. I did it for a year and a half and looking back I
don’t know how. I know the reasons, they let me go on tour and I had every weekend
off for X Factor. And during X Factor 2015, Carolly were my whole life. I
started because it was convenient until I could take it no more. I was doing 11
hour shifts, with no official break, cooking, cleaning and bar tending for £5.75
an hour. The people were homophobic, racist and sexist. One refused to accept
bisexual was real and declared me was ‘lezza-straight’.
I could write a few thousand words on the
awful things I heard in my time there. There were a couple lovely people,
including a woman who was like my surrogate mum, but for the most part, awful.
The customers were rude, I was cooking meat, I was up until 4am every day. I
was just angry the whole time and I am not an angry person for the most part.
In March 2016, I reached the end of my
tether. I asked if I could go home for my mum’s birthday and was told no and
the same night I had the rudest customers alive. I basically shouted ‘I’ve had
enough!’ and started hunting for a job properly the next day.
5 weeks later and I was out of there, waving
goodbye and being so glad to be gone. I went off to Topshop, ‘the big one’ and
I’ve remained ever since. It’s not my dream job, I doubt being paid minimum
wage to deal with customers on a tourist heavy street is anyone’s, but it’s
good. The people, for the most part, are great, they’re diverse and accepting
and kind. And it can be really fun. Today I saw Gabby and Marcel from Love
Island, screamed when they played Take That and watched customers dance around
to the DJ.
Writing all this up it reads like a lot of
bad stuff has happened since I moved here. But nothing, oh nothing, no matter
how bad will erase all the good. And I have had the best times since I moved to
London. Being in this city gives you the ability to do so many things. To run
down to the BBC during your lunch to meet Gary Barlow, to go to last minute
gigs and book signings, to serve Caroline Flack on the till at work and for her
to go ‘Oh it’s you! I haven’t seen you in ages!’, to wander down Southbank and
marvel at the prettiness, to walk around at Christmas and beam at the pretty
lights.
When I was younger and said I wanted to
move to London no one but my mum would listen. They said I’d realise I loved
the country I lived in and see the grass wasn’t greener, they said London
wasn’t as good as I thought. But oh no, it’s better. Since I have moved here I
have:
Been to 32 Take That concerts, along with
seeing them live at The Royal Albert Hall and at Jonathan Ross. I also got to
see An Evening with Take That live and a 3 minute song outside the BBC. I’ve
met them all, I’ve met Gary twice and I love them more than ever.
Met Caroline Flack so many times that she
now knows who I am. I don’t think she ever remembers my name but she greets me
warmly, with a big hug and an ‘Oh hey!’ She is the loveliest person ever every
single time and always chats to you like you’re her mate. I haven’t seen her in
ages actually, could do with a new selfie.
Met Olly Murs so many times I’ve long since
lost count, not that I care much about Olly alone, he was just always kinda
there.
Met: Chris O’Dowd, Dermot O’Leary, Preston (at
an Ordinary Boys gig where I went alone and eventually had one the band escort
me in to the venue because he didn’t want me to feel lonely, 16 year old me died)
and a whole bunch of people at work including Matt Edmonson, Sara Cox, Melody
from PCD, Sophia Smith (Liam Payne’s ex), Stephanie Pratt and Amelia Lily.
Been to a lot of tv show recordings-I saw
Take That at Jonathan Ross and Let It Shine, One Direction(and Ian Mckellen!)
at Graham Norton, Daniel Radcliffe at The Last Leg, Caroline at Loose Women and
a recording of Strictly where she did the quickstep(I also told Claudia
Winkleman she was hilarious and she turned around and went ‘Oh thank you!’). I
went to A Night With Olly Murs and cried so hard at having seen Caroline and
Olly in real life together for the first time, that people asked Olly’s
musicians if he could hug me, because I looked so upset, nope just emotional.
I practically lived at X Factor in 2015, I
saw a lot of audition shows, some of Six Chair challenge, two live shows and
both nights of the final. I saw Little Mix, One Direction, Coldplay, Leona
Lewis and Adele all sing for free. I also saw Caroline and Olly kiss and cried
so much at that that yet again people around us were very concerned.
Seen a lot of musicals and plays and such
like, (the joys of being able to leave work at 7 and see a show that evening),
the most exciting being Harry Potter and The Cursed Child. Also watched Harry
Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone with a full orchestra at The Royal Albert
Hall which was magical, and saw the midnight screening of Fantastic Beasts
which made my heart swell with fandom love. Yes I moved to London to July 31st
for a reason.
Take That aside, I’ve been to the concerts
of Olly (4 times, I think?), Birdy, Busted, George Shelley and someone I’ve
probably forgotten.
I’ve spent countless evenings in the
Natural History Museum, many many more in my favourite place in the whole of
London, Waterstones Piccadilly. I have my favourite walks and places and things
to do. And most of all, best of all, I have my friends.
I met one of my closest friends, L.J, on
Platform 9 ¾ on September 1st, no word of a lie, last year we told
the guys at Pottermore about it and ended up on their Instagram and Twitter. Another
bunch of people came to me that day via the London Nerdfighters. One of the
girls added me to the group who did meet ups all the time and when I finally
had my Friday’s back to myself, I went and befriended a wonderful bunch of
nerds. They made London life better, especially the wonderful Jess, Julia and
Zahra.
Going on two proper Take That tours (12 and
18 times respectively) has increased my Thatter friend rankings a hell of a lot
and my god does it make tours more fun. Thatters are what make my tour now and
I’m so grateful for that. I got Mark’s water bottle! Gary Barlow read my blog!
Hyde Park was the best night ever! Nothing will ever beat being at barrier with
your mates!
I got to go meet my friend Cate in Paris
which involved a nine hour bus journey and just twelve hours there but boy was
that an experience, a surreal and glorious experience.
My work friends, my wonderful work friends.
My workplace has a very fast turnover but I have met people at work who I
cherish dearly and am so the better for meeting.
Before I moved here, I had a handful of
Irish friends and a whole bunch of internet friends, whom I still adore of
course even if I don’t see them as much (and when I do it’s awesome). But for
the first while in London I was quite lonely, as much as I didn’t want to be I
was.
It’s funny really, I never thought I’d be
able to live without Sky+ or a telly or a microwave or the sea. And most of all
I miss my tumble dryer and now I can’t live without Uber or Netflix or Amazon
Prime, or my travelcard or the Tube. Really mostly what I can’t live without is
people and this city and my concerts and my books.
The last year, living in the same house,
having the same job, having my magnificent friends, I have felt finally
settled. My friends have been there for many a day strolling around markets and
parks and shops. For card games in pubs and far too many farewell parties. For
concerts and telly shows and the many London pop-ups. When I was 14 and being
bullied, all alone and confused, I had no friends. I think a part of me still
can’t believe people like me for me, a part of me is still always baffled that
I’m surrounded by people who love me and want to spend time with me. I can
barely fathom it sometimes.
Living in London has enabled me to be fully
me. To come out as bisexual and be comfortable with it, to run around to
concerts on a whim, to be a huge nerd, to read copious books (and to write two),
to be unapologetically in love with this city and this country. I know I’ve
grown in confidence since I’ve moved here, without a doubt. I’ve come a long
way from struggling to leave my Camden room because of my anxiety three years
ago.
So thank you to my friends, to Take That,
to Caroline Flack, to my house and my work and to London for letting me be me
and giving me so much to love and to do and to wonder about. I can’t wait for
more adventures in this bloody brilliant place I call home.
Love this! So interesting to read about your last three years. & so glad to be friends with you!! ❤❤
ReplyDeleteLove you loads and I'm so proud of you for making it work and living the life you want to. I'll always be grateful I went down to Platform 9 and 3/4 that day and that we found each other. You've made my own London experience and indeed my life experience so much more than it would be without you. We're London strong.
ReplyDeleteL.J
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